Would You reply to this email?

This is an email I sent to a prospect in the pharmacy industry for a website redesign. It also represents the template I want to use in sending emails to several similar businesses. The email is personalized and all the issues raised are real and not just generic.

I would like to know if there are any problems with this email. Would this lead to a good reply rate?

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Subject: Improving Your Website Conversion Rate

Body:

Hi _______,

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I'm Ademola, an experienced web developer with D________ (d__________.com) which works with E______ (e________.com) out of _________ City. We help our clients utilize traffic and drive their sales. We would like to optimize the conversion rate of ____________.com by improving its design and structure.

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I have reviewed your website and found some issues, although I must commend you on your free delivery initiative.

Here are a few 0f the issues I found:

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1. You haven't made any plans or content to address the COVID 19 pandemic. The pandemic has changed the way people make purchases to favor orders through the internet and through phone calls. You haven't informed your customers (and potential customers) of any efforts you've made to make their lives easier during this period.

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1. The entire design of your website looks quite outdated. A good website design assures the customer they are dealing with a reputable business.

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1. There is only very little content provided on your website. The website doesn't seem to provide any information apart from how to contact you. You therefore have not established yourself as an authority in the field of Pharmacy.

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I can provide you with a comprehensive review of your website that would tell you about everything that you need to do to improve the conversion rate of ____________.com. I would also to design a mock-up for your website's homepage to show you what a well-designed modern pharmacy website should look like. All of these would be provided to you free of charge.

Would you like that?

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Do have a lovely day.

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source https://www.reddit.com/r/Emailmarketing/comments/jic7z7/would_you_reply_to_this_email/